My Cultural Awakening: 'The Specials Helped Myself to Cease Fixating on Mortality'
A anxious disposition means me to think about the end frequently. However, a series of people I cared for passing away in 2023, most of them suddenly and within a few weeks of one another, was enough to disrupt my nervous system pretty significantly. Five funerals are excessive. Initially was my grandmother: she was the family elder. The oldest person in the family, so there was a level of resignation among the sadness. Yet soon after it was her son, and then her granddaughter (my cousin). The latter two were surprises, utterly upending my nervous system, one compounding the other. After that, two more came. Loss was all around. It was more than a aspect of life by that stage – it was a reality to expect soon and often.
At first I seemed fine. Despite concerned companions and loved ones asking whether I was hiding anything, I believed not I was. But soon I retreated from enjoyment, becoming extremely preoccupied on matters like my resting heart rate and body fat percentage. I skipped social events for intense workouts sessions succeeded by the steam room followed by mindfulness – not unhealthy, but not a balance, as well. I cut out stimulants, even cocoa. When I didn't stick to my new routine, I experienced a panic attack, which I thought was a heart attack, which would cause more frequent episodes of anxiety.
I was suffering from grief-based panic disorder, along with a significant amount of health anxiety. Something in my mind had switched my body's alarm into hyperdrive, and made me believing that looming catastrophe was around every corner; that I was constantly on a tightrope of death. Then, at the fourth funeral, a song played that managed to help me heal and reshape my whole outlook.
The song warned that existence is valuable and transient – and that I squandered it
"Enjoy Yourself" is a melody from the mid-20th century, later recorded by a renowned band – a ensemble I listened to more than any other in my youth. The band guided my to develop my opinions on various topics from style to society. In the ska revival band, this song is on the cheesier side – a notable stretch from bleak socially aware tracks such as Rat Race or "Ghost Town".
In fact, as an troubled youth it was the sole song I disliked by the Specials. But when it started, listening to the jovial and raw music of the Specials was sufficient to lift my spirits. While I continued to pay attention to the song, a straightforward switch turned within. I realised that I was living a life set up to be unhappy and fearful. The chorus painted a better picture: "The years go by, as swiftly as you wink / Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, time is short than you realize".
Existence doesn't have to be serious all the time; it isn't always drastic. Tomorrow is not necessarily the radical version that I worry might happen. From a mental standpoint, the song acted as a affirmation which I employed to break free of the cycles and neurotic preoccupations that accumulated. It said quite simply "live fully" – and I heeded. It cautioned that life is dear and brief, and that I was wasting it.
At one point push the equilibrium excessively the other way – said yes to excess, stayed out late, certainly spent an inordinate amount of money – but it was better than being stuck in a cycle of gloom. Better still is the harmony I achieve now. Today, enjoying myself, in the tune's words, involves being in touch with my own and my requirements; accepting and declining. Avoiding guilty for resting on the couch once in a while. My nature berates myself into being disciplined and harsh, and this song assists me to release. I've even left employment and relocated countries afterward. Overall, I regret very little.
